your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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