i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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