Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
