I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
