Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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