Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize