now i know why i became what i already was.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
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You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
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Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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