you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
