She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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