Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
