I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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