I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
