she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
