We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize