Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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