end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
