took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize