the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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