after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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