do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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