I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
