also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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