His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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