I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
