Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
