i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
