just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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