Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
