Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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