Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
