it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
