WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
