I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
