Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
