weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
