It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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