Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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