he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
