I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
