do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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