I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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