She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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