I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
