So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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