I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
