Little spoons don't ask big questions
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Let's get the cat blown out
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
