So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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