Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
