well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
