I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
