i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
