My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
