Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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