My hand turned me down
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
