If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
