Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
