wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type