dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
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Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
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He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.