Texts From Last Night

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  (209): View more from California

  I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.

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  (209): I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans. http://tfl.nu/8x3v
  Replies (8) Good night (709) Bad night (1212)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.

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  (563): I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers. http://tfl.nu/uen6
  Replies (6) Good night (947) Bad night (533)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.

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  (917): half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country. http://tfl.nu/tafy
  Replies (262) Good night (20586) Bad night (2118)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?

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  (440): dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top? http://tfl.nu/cai4
  Replies (20) Good night (6275) Bad night (1374)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.

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  (503): Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account. http://tfl.nu/dorm
  Replies (25) Good night (1160) Bad night (3421)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.

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  (309): so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished. http://tfl.nu/wbty
  Replies (19) Good night (7187) Bad night (1514)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?

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  (570): I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days? http://tfl.nu/o3ms
  Replies (4) Good night (2905) Bad night (995)
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  (805): View more from California

  he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.

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  (805): he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop. http://tfl.nu/2w6b
  Replies (14) Good night (2875) Bad night (1032)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b

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  (803): He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b http://tfl.nu/qxl5
  Replies (9) Good night (1415) Bad night (4432)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it

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  (250): Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it http://tfl.nu/v02x
  Replies (11) Good night (765) Bad night (1944)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man

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  (785): apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man http://tfl.nu/lmge
  Replies (5) Good night (1653) Bad night (517)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.

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  (360): What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is. http://tfl.nu/1m0s
  Replies (11) Good night (2209) Bad night (581)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.

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  (330): The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk. http://tfl.nu/09ej
  Replies (2) Good night (783) Bad night (285)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right

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  (306): Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right http://tfl.nu/4x80
  Replies (0) Good night (368) Bad night (388)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?

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  (613): Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates? http://tfl.nu/iv63
  Replies (3) Good night (542) Bad night (354)

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