so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.