I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
tonight lets celebrate not being married
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight