My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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